A conversation

- Hi, Dad. Wanna drink?
- I'm fine, thanks. Sorry, I forgot to bring your DVD back.
- Get Carter? What did you think? I assume you listened to the commentary.
- Yeah, watched it twice , once with, once without. I got a bit irritated by that cameraman. He seemed to do nothing but moan and go on about all the problems. I hadn't realised that Hendry and Caine didn't get on.
- Mm, Hendry was a drunk. I read he wanted the lead for himself and resented Caine getting it. By the way, did you know that hitman was on the train at the beginning?
- No, I'd never noticed that before someone said it on the commentary. It's a good film, though. A bit like a Jacobean tragedy, everyone dead at the end, no real good guys. Where were the police while all this was going on? I suppose that's the point. A self-contained world for scrotes and arseholes. Did you ever see Stallone's version?

- Crap.

- Exactly. You know, when I watched it I thought, 'Forget Michael Caine. Just watch it as if it were a new film and treat it on its merits.' It hadn't got any. I did the same thing with The Jackal. Same thing. They just can't seem to realise that you've got to tell a story simply and not substitute flash for style. Unless you're Orson Welles, of course. By the way, I saw Red Dragon the other day.

- What, you mean Manhunter?

- No, the new one. Antony Hopkins. A bit odd, seeing him older and fatter when it's supposed to be set years earlier. I can't remember Manhunter very well, but it seemed to have more impact, more style. Mind you, this one had a twist in the tail which took me by surprise. I'd almost turned it off before I realised it wasn't finished. I think Ralph Fiennes was a disappointment, compared with the bloke who played the killer in the other one. He was really weird. They tried for a bit more realism, I think, more motivation.

- I saw Tombstone again the other night. Didn't get to bed till after one. Val Kilmer's great, isn't he?

- 'I'm your huckleberry.'

- It's full of quotes. Ringo's good. Love that bit at the end when he suddenly sees he's got Doc to fight, not Wyatt.

- 'Why, Johnny, looks like someone just walked over your grave. You're no daisy at all.'

- Is it in your top ten Westerns? We all know what number one is.

- The Wild Bunch? It might be The Searchers, you know. Then there's Red River, Yellow Ribbon.

- High Noon, Shane?

- I'm dubious about them. Too self-consciously classic. There's My Darling Clementine.

- I remember that. You sat me down to watch it once. I wanted to go out and play football, but you said, 'No, you've got to watch this.' By the way, wasn't Billy Bob Thornton in Tombstone? Wasn't he that gambler Wyatt beats up at the beginning?

- No, that wasn't Billy Bob. Definitely. I've got a feeling he was in it though. Or was it Wyatt Earp? Have you seen The Alamo yet? Not John Wayne's, the new one. Billy Bob's brilliant as Davy Crockett. I know it got a lot of bad press, but I thought it was pretty good. And what about Oh, Brother Where art Thou? Thoroughly recommended. What are you watching tonight.

- Speed.

- Me too.

- See you. Merry Christmas. When are you going to watch It's a Wonderful Life?

- When there's nobody else at home. You know that I always cry.